In the most famous attic of all time, Anne Frank wrote, "We all
live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all
different and yet the same." In his very first speech as
president, Franklin Delano Roosevelt assured a
depression-crippled nation, "The only thing we have to fear is
fear itself." Now, decades later, the study of positive
psychology has shown us that these famous quotes are not only
timeless - they are connected.
In his book, What Happy People Know, Dan Baker, Ph.D., reveals
that fear is the mortal enemy of happiness. He explains humans
have only two primal emotions: love and fear. According to
Baker, "Fear impels us to survive, and love enables us to
thrive." Unfortunately, in a "fight or flight" world, it's
impossible to focus on the joy of your accomplishments or love
from those around you without first overcoming fear.
Why We Fear
Overcoming fear is not an easy task, as fear is a hard-wired
evolutionary response. As Baker points out, fear is an impulse
rooted in the simplest of all brain parts, the "reptilian" brain
stem. The ability to fear evolved over 100 million years ago!
What separates our fears from those of a lizard is that our
fears are generally coupled with emotion. This coupling takes
place in the amygdala, or "mammalian" brain.
The amygdala is the basic home of memory. It is precisely why
some adults never outgrow their childhood fears. The amygdala
stores them for easy recall. The mammalian brain also triggers
the physical side of fear. It signals the release of stress
hormones in the brain, which, in turn, raise blood pressure and
heart rate and cause queasiness and the jitters. At one point,
this three-part fear response was what kept humans alive. First,
the danger would approach. The human would recognize it as
such, then the brain would kick the human into "high gear."
Nowadays, however, the roots of our fears are rarely physical
dangers. There are very few hungry lions in our midst. So why do
we have the same type of response?
What We Fear
Baker divides all modern fear into two categories, the "fear of
not having enough" and the "fear of not being enough." At the
root of both fears is the myth of scarcity. Dr. Michael
Beckwith, featured in the self-help phenomenon The Secret,
attributes all human suffering to the idea that there is not
enough good to go around. Many people believe there is not
enough money, not enough love, not enough oxygen for everyone.
Every day, therefore, is a struggle. When we don't get what we
want, we blame some flaw in ourselves, "If only I were smarter,
I would make more money. If only I were cuter, somebody might
love me."
This constant self-berating causes a deep sadness in many of us
which triggers a terrible cycle. We begin to feel we are
unworthy of happiness. Because we are sad, we cling to the
little happiness we already have. Because we feel unworthy, we
fear the loss of these joys. These fears trigger negative
actions. Believers of the "law of attraction" and quantum
physics will assure you "what you focus on expands." Soon
you've created a self-fulfilling prophecy. Imagined loss reaps
real loss. Happiness becomes something we futilely chase instead
of something we readily enjoy
Baker assures us that the antidote to fear is gratitude. Instead
of dwelling on what we don't have and/or what we have to lose,
we need to focus on what we do have. This will gradually create
a shift in perspective that will reap large rewards.
In his book Happier, Harvard professor Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D.
recommends keeping a gratitude journal. He cites a study by
Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough which found that people who
wrote down five reasons to be grateful daily experienced better
physical and mental well-being. Most psychiatrists will tell you
that overcoming fear is a gradual process, best started in small
doses. You can't get much smaller than five things per day!
Evolution has set this up as a fail-safe plan. All appreciation
is based on love, and love is a product of the neo-cortex, the
most evolved brain part. The reptilian fear doesn't stand a
chance! Start focusing on what you appreciate today and a
brighter, happier tomorrow is yours.
Mother always said to lead by example, so I will start my
gratitude list for you.
I am grateful I have discovered the key to happiness.
I am grateful you read this article.
Kathleen Passanisi is an internationally recognized, hilarious speaker who specializes in life balance and the link between humor and health. For more information about Kathleen or to book her for your next corporate event, visit http://www.kathleenpassanisi.com today.
