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Working at Home With an Uncooperative Spouse
by Wendy Betterini
Published on this site: April 25th, 2006 - See
more articles from this month
When we first decide to make the transition from an outside
job to a home-based job or business, some of us might face
a dilemma - a spouse who suddenly seems uncooperative and
difficult. Even if our spouse is usually good-natured, we
might find ourselves enmeshed in arguments and battles for
control over our own careers.
While this can be frustrating, it is important to understand
that our spouses are probably not trying to be difficult without
reason. More likely, they have concerns that are being expressed
in erratic ways. If you suspect this is the case in your own
household, you might want to open the lines of communication
and encourage your spouse to share his or her reasons for
not wanting you to work at home.
Following are some of the most common concerns, and ideas
for dealing with them:
- Decreased Income. Your spouse may be worried that
your salary will be less than what it is in a traditional
job. Unfortunately, this is true in most cases. Telecommuting
jobs usually pay far less than jobs in an office would.
Even if you start your own business, it can take time to
build up a decent income. If your spouse earns enough money
to cover the household expenses, he or she might be agreeable
to a reduced income from you temporarily, but if your spouse's
income isn't enough to cover everything, you might need
to compromise on your wish to work at home so you don't
get into debt and cause financial difficulty for the family.
Possible compromises might include keeping your regular
job and working to build your own business after work hours,
or working a regular part-time job, while working a part-time
telecommuting job from home. You can also focus on building
up enough savings to carry your loss of income for the first
several months of working at home. Aim for at least 6 months
of your normal salary, perhaps even a year, depending on
the type of business or job you are working toward.
- Sacrificing Luxuries. Your spouse might also be
concerned that less income means he or she will have to
give up extras that your salary makes possible, like entertainment,
dinner out, more expensive vehicles, etc. This is also a
valid concern. While most of us spend much more than we
really need to on recreational activities, it's also not
fair to expect our spouses to give up the smaller pleasures
in life either. If your spouse is willing to work together
with you on your desire to work at home, you might be able
to agree on some smaller sacrifices that you can both make
temporarily. You and your spouse will need to go over where
your money goes, and see what you are both willing to do
without. You can also find creative ways to replace the
things you have sacrificied. For example, instead of going
out to dinner 3 times a week, cut down to once a week, and
then make more creative family dinners at home, trying new
recipes to keep things interesting. You can rent movies
to watch at home rather than going to the theater, or spend
the day at a local park instead of visiting an expensive
amusment park.
- It's Not Really Work. One of the most maddening
experiences is having our spouses believe that we sit home
all day doing nothing when we "work at home".
They might believe that we just want to sit home with the
kids all day, watching television or chatting on the phone.
If you are not yet working at home, it can be a major challenge
to convince your spouse that you do indeed plan to work,
but you might try explaining the type of work you plan to
do, how many hours a day you plan to work, and how much
income you are planning to earn. This can help them put
it into perspective in measurable terms. If you already
work at home and your spouse treats it like fun and games,
it might be helpful to have him or her sit down with you
for a short time one day and demonstrate exactly what you
do. In my experience, the paychecks were the turning point.
Once my husand saw that I was indeed bringing in an income,
he began to take my work more seriously.
- It's All a Scam. Unfortunately, many of our spouses
are cynical about work at home jobs, because they see so
many scams. Even worse is if they know someone who got burned
by a scam or shady business opportunity. They might have
the skewed idea that all work at home opportunities are
like that. In situations like this, you can show your spouse
the websites of legitimate companies that hire telecommuters,
or have him or her read postings on a work at home community.
Again, once you begin bringing in the paychecks, this fear
will vanish.
- Jealousy. Believe it or not, your spouse's concerns
might be caused by a veiled sense of jealousy. Why should
you get to sit home in your comfy sweatpants and earn an
income when he or she has to trudge off to a lousy job every
day? Especially if your spouse doesn't particularly like
his or her job, they might resist the idea of you working
at home while he or she deals with arrogant bosses and office
politics. This is completely understandable, and many of
us would feel the same way, wouldn't we? This is a tricky
objection to overcome, but it is possible. Perhaps you can
talk to your spouse about helping him or her transition
to a home-based career too, and you would both eventually
be working from home. Your spouse might be willing to compromise
by allowing you to build up your business to the point where
it could support the family and then he or she would be
free to pursue their own business venture. You can also
start a business together and work on it in alternating
shifts. For example, you can work on the business for a
few hours during the day while your spouse is at work, and
he or she could do a little work on it in the evenings,
and you can both work together on it Saturday mornings.
Once the business begins bringing in enough profit, your
spouse can come home permanently.
Ultimately, I believe that our spouses want us to be happy
in our work, just like we wish the same for them. We just
might need to work on them a little to convince them working
at home is not only possible, but beneficial for everyone.
If the above suggestions haven't convinced your spouse, you
might need to put some figures down in black and white and
show your spouse how much it costs to work outside the home.
You might need to list the benefits of having one parent at
home, or ask them to give you the benefit of the doubt and
let you prove your ability to make it work.
I would love to say to you, "Your career is your business;
no one else's," because that is what I truly believe.
However, that's easy for me to say because I'm not the one
living in your household, facing the hostility from your spouse!
The truth is, everyone in your home will be happier if you
and your spouse cancome to an agreement, rather than stubbornly
butting heads. If your spouse refuses to work with you at
all on your desire to work at home, you may face some tough
decisions. The best advice I can give you is to consider your
options fully, and make the choices that you feel would benefit
everyone the most, including your spouse.
Wendy Betterini is a freelance writer, web designer and
owner of http://www.CreativeWorkAtHome.com,
a resource center for home business owners and telecommuters.
Visit today for information on how to make your work at home
experience successful.
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