Cold Feet

by Joan Marques, Ed.D.

Published on this site: July 14th, 2006 - See more articles from this month

Have you ever had cold feet at night while you were trying to enjoy a peaceful rest? And have you also found that cold feet feel very uncomfortable, to the point that they even influence your dreams? Your dreams turn into unpleasant borderline nightmares, prompted by the coldness of your feet and the resulting sense of uneasiness.

This article is not literally, but rather symbolically about cold feet. It's more about the ways we act in the environments we move in, and the cold feet we may be to the body that is our home, workplace, or social circle. To many of us it is not new that everything is interconnected. Whether we like to admit it or not, we do get affected by the things that happen in our surroundings, and we get either rejuvenated or distressed through the occurrences around us.

However, just like others around us, we are co-responsible for the ways others in our vicinity feel. With our behaviors and our acts we can elevate or contaminate the atmosphere and the overall quality of life around us. In order to understand this, we don't even have to consider the ripple effect of our performance, which could be stretched all the way to a global level if we just allow it. But think of it for a moment: one negative person could truly poison his or her environment, after which each affected member of this environment, in turn, could exude this negativity further into their other social circles, thus spreading the disease of ill mannerism and depression to an infinite extent.

But, as mentioned before, neither explaining nor elaborating on the ripple effect of each other's behaviors are the real purpose of this article. The real purpose is to encourage us to review and question the impact of our behavior onto others. How do these others reflect on our performance? Do we even realize what effect we have on them, and, perhaps, even on their future outlook on life? This is of particular importance for people in leadership positions, because their statements, regardless of how credulously uttered, are considered 10 or 20 times more powerful than statements from others. Our bad moods, angry expressions, extreme behavior, and thoughtless aggression may feel like cold feet to many around us, and cause them to suffer, even without us being aware of it.

So, regardless of the position you are in, but especially when you are a figure of authority in any setting, think on these things:

1. Consider your words: Let them be honest yet fair; uncoated yet undisruptive; and clear yet void of insults.
   
   
2. Consider your actions: Let them be decisive yet sensitive; direct yet void of aggression; and focused yet non-destructive.
   
   
3. Consider your attitude: Let it be straightforward yet empathetic; resilient yet patient; and vigorous yet encouraging - to all, not just yourself.

Most of all think on the reality of being interconnected, thus interdependent, and as a result, on the effects of your surroundings onto you, and you onto your surroundings. Then consider the anguish of cold feet versus the delight of comfortable feet - and the fact that you can personify either effect onto others.

Finally, consider the result of the state of one's feet to their dreams: cold feet lead to nightmares, and warm feet to pleasant dreams. Refrain from being the cold feet to those who emotionally depend on you, and be the warm feet that will carry them toward the realization of their dreams.

Dr. Joan Marques is a college instructor, and co-founder/board member of the Business Renaissance Institute. She has authored 2 books on the topics of Leadership and Global Awareness, and is currently working on two additional ones on Workplace Spirituality, and Leadership. She regularly co-organizes workshops for business and non-profit organizations in Los Angeles. It is better to live in serene poverty than in hectic affluence. Everything has a price. The price for nurturing your soul is turning away from excessive stress, destruction of self-respect, and the constant strive in lifestyle with the Joneses. But it's worth it.