The Power of Inner Connection

by Dr. Joan Marques

Published on this site: July 14th, 2006 - See more articles from this month

Knowing others is a virtue. Knowing yourself is..priceless.

The Tao Te Ching states it a bit differently: "Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom". Yet, it boils down to the same principle: There is great advantage and gratification in knowing yourself.

It is particularly in difficult times that we learn to connect with ourselves. So, maybe that should be considered one of the virtues of difficult times: the fact that they bring us closer to the one person we can always count on, ourselves. But that being said, connecting with ourselves is a far more powerful act than most of us may have considered. The practice of communicating with ourselves can determine the difference between becoming so desperate that we engage in outrageous behavior; and remaining in balance, so that we can maintain our dignity, or even our sanity.

Pressures emerge from all sides as we go through life: on the job, at home, in our encounters with friends - we cannot always escape the unpleasant surprises life has in store for us. But maintaining a decent inner connection may help us in determining the most constructive attitude toward these surprises.

When you communicate with yourself you learn a lot about your deepest thoughts. You can start analyzing your likes and dislikes and the reasons behind them. You may even get to the point that you revise your opinions about certain things and people, because you may start realizing that a lot of these opinions were really not your own, but were bestowed upon you by parents, teachers, peers, and the media, to name just a few sources of influence.

When you connect with yourself, you start formulating your own preferences, and it may very well be that the character that ultimately emerges is no longer the one your spouse, colleagues, or friends like. But it will definitely be one YOU understand, and probably like better too.

And this may be the deep-rooted reason why many of us abstain from connecting with ourselves: We fear that the person that will emerge will question the status quo and lead us onto new paths. Ever thought of that?

This means, then, that it takes courage to connect with yourself, because this connection may ultimately lead to change, and most human beings, by nature, resist change. Most people are, after all, creatures of habit.

So, driven by habit and change aversion, we may refrain from connecting with ourselves and continue to adopt opinions, perspectives and behaviors from those we surround ourselves with. And that's really regrettable, because nothing is more rewarding than to be in touch with yourself.

There are so many people in the world who pursue and maintain deep connections with friends, family, and co-workers, yet forget to remain connected with the one person they should never disregard: their selves.

However, once you pass the initial barriers toward connecting with yourself, you will also overcome the fear of changing and consequently being rejected by your current circle of associates, and you will be rewarded with a sense of freedom, not to mention elation.

The greatest wealth is to know yourself, and to be unafraid of your deepest thoughts: To communicate with the source within, and thus allow yourself to heal from mental and emotional injuries caused by the environment around you.

In case you were wondering about this: Knowing yourself, and communicating with yourself, is really not something crazy. It is a natural process. And it is a good process. It will help you cure yourself when you suffer from emotional damage; it will provide you answers to the choices you need to make in every area, and it will teach you to laugh about yourself. And what's more valuable for your health than laughing about yourself?

Here's the sequence in a nutshell: Self-connection leads to self-knowledge; self-knowledge to self-respect; self-respect to increased confidence; increased confidence to greater focus; greater focus to enhanced balance; enhanced balance to more gratifying decisions; more gratifying decisions to greater contentment; and greater contentment to increased happiness.

The logical question you may ask now is: how can I connect with myself? The simple answer is: there is no single way to do so. Human beings are fascinating creatures, and we have different ways to achieve our goals. But I can share a few ways of connecting with the self.

Here goes:

1. Start communicating with your mirror image more consciously.
   
   You probably already do that, but from now on do it more focused and more aware. You don't have to speak out loud. That's the beauty of ommunicating with yourself: No one else needs to hear it. But compliment yourself regularly when looking in the mirror. Find at least one thing you like about your appearance, and focus on that to start with.
   
   
2. In quiet moments, especially in bed before falling asleep or when waking up: engage in breathing exercises.
   
   Listen to your breath and think: This is me, breathing. It feels good. I am breathing goodness in and badness out. I am purifying myself and I love it. I love myself.
   
   
3. Reflect. Think of the things that made a deep impression on you in your life.
   
   These things may be recent or dated. But review them; analyze them; evaluate what happened, and how it affected you. And then, think of at least 3 lessons you personally learned from them. Also, consider how you grew from each of these experiences. How did they enrich your perspectives? How did they make you wiser?
   

Due to the practice of reflection, connecting with yourself may prevent you from becoming embittered, and it may get you to the point of forgiving those who hurt you, while, at the same time, it will make you more wary in future encounters with the sources of your past anguish.

Connecting with yourself is an endless exploration but it is also a fascinating one. And one that will definitely make you wiser, better balanced, and more conscious. For only when you know who you really are, you will be liberated from the urge to put on different hats under different circumstances, thinking that such is the proper way to go. When you know yourself, you can be that person everywhere, all the time.

Dr. Joan Marques is a college instructor, and co-founder/board member of the Business Renaissance Institute. She has authored 2 books on the topics of Leadership and Global Awareness, and is currently working on two additional ones on Workplace Spirituality, and Leadership. She regularly co-organizes workshops for business and non-profit organizations in Los Angeles. It is better to live in serene poverty than in hectic affluence. Everything has a price. The price for nurturing your soul is turning away from excessive stress, destruction of self-respect, and the constant strive in lifestyle with the Joneses. But it's worth it.