Failure to Communicate

by Ty Boyd

Published on this site: November 11th, 2005 - See more articles from this month

In the movie Cool Hand Luke, Strother Martin plays a prison warden who has inmate Paul Newman worked over for not listening. While the beating is going on, Martin says, "What we have here is failure to communicate." Now, you may not get a beating, but poor listening can get you into trouble.

We often forget that communications is a two-way street. There is listening as well as speaking. Many people – myself included – find that listening is the hardest part of the communications equation.

I learned the listening lesson the hard way on the air interviewing funnyman Jonathon Winters. Instead of asking questions and sitting back to listen to him being funny, I tried to be funny too. Winters shut down and I spent 10 minutes of agony on camera.

I should have taken the advice of notoriously tight-lipped President Calvin Coolidge, "nobody every listened themselves out of a job."

Here are a few tips to help you improve your listening skills.

First, ask questions and listen to the answers. We invite involvement by seeking input from customers or from audience members. Asking questions helps build trust, which opens the door for true communication.

Don't interrupt. If you jump in to add your two-cents' worth, that's a clear signal you are not listening.

Demonstrate that you are listening. Maintain eye contact. Nod, smile, lean forward. These all are signs that you are engaged with the speaker. You also can make non-intrusive comments such as "really", "yes", or "exactly" that encourage the speaker to continue.

Listen accurately. Research has found that we only understand, properly evaluate and retain about half of what is said during a 10-minute presentation. Within 48 hours, that is down to 25 percent. To be sure you are hearing the other person correctly, repeat, restate or rephrase what you thought you heard without adding your own opinion. If necessary, based on feedback, clarify the original comment and summarize the entire exchange. Then, watch for signs you still don't have it right. Frowns or a shaking head may mean communication is failing.

If you do these things, you'll learn more, others will listen to you more, you'll build trust, retain more information, and others will be more interested in you.

Ty Boyd, CEO of Ty Boyd Executive Learning Systems www.tyboyd.com,
is in the Broadcast Hall of Fame and the Speakers Hall of Fame. He has taught presentation skills to Fortune 1000 executives in more than 40 countries. His Excellence In Speaking Institute celebrates its 25th anniversary in 2005.