Do You Make These Common Mistakes When
Meeting New People?
by Peter Murphy
Published on this site: September 22nd, 2005 - See
more articles from this month
The ability to make a great first impression is a valuable
life skill that can help you to have all you want in life
- in business and socially.
As you improve your people skills you can expect greater
happiness, more success and an abundance of opportunities
for personal growth. That is, once you have identified and
eliminated the most common barriers to great conversation.
Let´s identify the five common mistakes people make
when meeting new people.
- Trying too hard to be liked
Although we all want to be liked, ironically, the worst
way to win approval is to desperately need it. When you
are too needy it repels people. They sense that you do not
value yourself and as a result they are more likely to treat
you harshly.
Thankfully there is a solution. The more you love and approve
of yourself the more others will tend to like you.
People reflect back what you feel about yourself so make
a point of building your self-esteem and notice the positive
change in how pleased people are to meet you.
- Pretending to be something you are not
In our efforts to impress new people it can be tempting
to suddenly reinvent ourselves so as to make a good first
impression. This tactic rarely works because it is very
difficult to project a false persona unless you are a very
good actor.
Very often all that happens is that you feel tense and under
pressure to play the role you have invented while the other
person is unable to trust you. Invariably you fail to make
a good first impression and even risk making a fool of yourself.
It is far better to be natural and to express your true
personality. When you do so with confidence others will
be much more likely to accept and like you for who you really
are.
Think about it.
It is much easier to like and respect someone who is genuine
and honest about who they are. In fact being authentic is
one of the most attractive qualities you can develop.
- Prejudging the other person
We all do it at times. We take one look at someone and decide
before even talking to him what kind of person he is.
Call it mind reading if you like but making such assumptions
and pre judements can severely affect how much fun you have
meeting new people.
This attitude can stop you from approaching people, cause
you to miss out on making new friends and make it difficult
for new people to get your undivided attention when getting
to know you.
A more practical approach is to allow each person the opportunity
to speak before you decide what the person is all about.
And make sure to switch off your assumptions for a moment
to really listen to what is being said.
- Talking too much and not listening
Sometimes because of nerves it can be tempting to keep talking
to ensure there are no awkward silences. The trouble with
this habit is that eventually you stop listening when the
other person is speaking because you use that times to think
of what to say next.
Let the other person share the load. Give her an opportunity
to lead the conversation, listen closely to what is said
and then develop the conversation based on what she has
contributed.
When you do this, meeting new people is a lot less stressful
making conversation becomes a team effort rather than a
struggle to keep talking.
- Letting the other person control the conversation
When you meet someone for the first time it is reasonable
to expect some breaks in the conversation until you discover
topics of common interest.
Remaining passive during these pauses means waiting for
the other person to either drive the conversation forward
or end it. If you adopt this attitude you are giving up
control of the conversation.
Take back control. You can do this in two ways: either ask
questions to move the dialogue along or be adventurous and
introduce new topics of conversation. You will be more relaxed
when you notice how much control you really have.
And if all else fails bear in mind it is also your choice
whether to continue or wrap up the conversation.
Start acting on these five key distinctions today and notice
how much easier and more enjoyable it can be meeting new
people.
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He
recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps
to Developing Communication Confidence. This report reveals
the secret strategies all high achievers use to communicate
with charm and impact. Apply now because it is available for
a limited time only at:http://www.conversationtalk.com/
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