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Dealing with Difficult People: Ten Ways to Make Conversations
by Donna Doyon
Published on this site: July 28th, 2005 - See
more articles from this month
Have you noticed that some people are impossible to talk to?
They even seem to stop listening even before you start talking?
Do you dread approaching them to give or share information?
Have your efforts to initiate friendly dialog fallen on deaf
ears and stony faces? Improve your chance for conversational
success by considering the following ten factors before starting
your next conversation.
- Consider the setting. Where will the conversation take
place? Is it public or private? Are there other things going
on that will be distracting? Is the setting approapriate
for the topic?
- Consider the personality, gender, culture, age, etc.
of the other person. If the person is different from you
in these respects, you will want to adapt your style of
communication to respect these differences.
- Consider the internal influences (emotions, bias, etc.)
on how you approach the conversation. What is your motivation?
What baggage are you bringing with you as you talk with
this person? Recognize it so that it won't get in your way.
- Consider the internal influences (emotions, bias, etc.)
on how the other person will receive the message. How might
your history of communication with this person impact the
way they respond to your approach? Will they be distrustful,
anxious, humiliated? Your past words and actions will impact
whether they will be receptive to you and your message.
- Consider the interest level/level of importance of the
other person. How much information does this person need
to know? Is the topic relevant to their work or do they
just need a basic awareness of it? Would verbal bullet points
work better than an in-depth report? Be careful not to overwhelm
someone with how much you know. They may think you are just
trying to impress them or boast about your knowledge.
- Consider the language needs (familiarity with topic,
jargon, educational level, etc.) of the other person. Are
you using words the person is familiar with or talking over
their head? Are you talking in a demeaning way by "dumbing
down" your word choices?
- Consider what you want to accomplish by initiating the
conversation. Keep your goal and the message in the front
of your mind. If you need to relay information make sure
that the person understands the information. If you need
to address a challenge, make sure you address the challenge
without making it a personal battle.
- Consider what the other person might need to receive
from the conversation. Stick to the information the other
person needs. Don't try to become friends or talk about
personal stuff if the other person isn't responding positively
to that direction of your conversation.
- Consider the long-term impact of the words, tone, and
gestures they use. You may be having a bad day, but the
other person may take your comments or attitude personally.
That will impact future conversations. If you've had a bad
day and said something inappropriate go back to the person
to apologize and briefly explain that you were having a
bad day and wrongly took it out on that person.
- Consider the external factors (noise, distractions, setting,
etc.) that will impact how the message is relayed and received.
Again we return to setting. Make sure that you initiate
and participate in conversations that provide the best environment
for a successful exchange of ideas and information.
Donna Doyon, author of GLOW: Renew Your Spirit and
Release Your Inner Beauty. Please visit Donna's web site at
http://www.donnadoyon.com/
for information on how you can say "goodbye" to
self-defeating attitudes and behaviors and "hello"
to a more successful, balanced, and joy-filled life!'
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