When people behave towards you in a manner that makes you
feel angry, frustrated or annoyed this is known as a Hook.
We can even become "Hooked" by the way people
look, how they talk, how they smell and even by their general
demeanour.
If we take the bait then we are allowing the other person
to control our behaviour. This can then result in an unproductive
response.
We have a choice whether we decided to get hooked or stay
unhooked.
Don't let them get to you.
We often allow the other persons attitude to irritate or
annoy us. This becomes obvious to the other person through
our tone of voice and our body language. This only fuels
a difficult situation.
When dealing with difficult people, stay out of it emotionally
and concentrate on listening non-defensively and actively.
People may make disparaging and emotional remarks don't
rise to the bait!
Listen - listen - listen
Look and sound like you're listening. When face-to-face
you need to look interested, nod your head and keep good
eye contact. Over the 'phone you need to make the occasional
"Uh Hu - I See"
If the other person senses that you care and that you're
interested in their problem, then they're likely to become
more reasonable.
Get all the facts - write them down.
Repeat back (paraphrase) the problem to ensure your understanding
and to let the other person know that you are listening.
Use names
A persons name is one of the warmest sounds they hear. It
says that you have recognised them as an individual. It
is important not to overdo it as it may come across as patronising
to the other person. Make sure they know your name and that
you'll take ownership for the problem.
DON'T blame someone or something else.
Watch out for people's egos
" Don't interrupt
" Don't argue
" Don't jump in with solutions
" Allow them to let off steam
" Don't say, "Calm down".
See it from the other person's point of view
Too often we think the "difficult" person is making
too much fuss. We think "What's the big deal; I'll
fix it right away". It is a big deal for the other
person and they want you to appreciate it.
You don't necessarily need to agree with the person however
you accept the fact that it's a problem for them.
Be very aware of your body language and tone of voice
We often exacerbate a situation without realising it. Our
tone of voice and our body language can often contradict
what we're saying. We may be saying sorry however our tone
and our body language may be communicating our frustration
and annoyance. People listen with their eyes and will set
greater credence on how you say something rather than what
you say. It's also important to use a warm tone of voice
when dealing with a difficult situation. This doesn't mean
being "nicey-nicey" or behaving in a non-assertive
manner.
Words to avoid
There are certain trigger words that can cause people to
become more difficult especially in emotionally charged
situations. These include:
"You have to" -
"But" -
"I want you to" -
"I need you to" -
"It's company policy" -
"I can't or You can't" -
"Jargon" or "Buzz" words -
"Sorry" -
"I'll try"
Stop saying Sorry
Sorry is an overused word, everyone says it when something
goes wrong and it has lost its value.
How often have you heard - "Sorry 'bout that, give
me the details and I'll sort this out for you." Far
better to say - "I apologise for …."
And if you really need to use the "sorry" word,
make sure to include it as part of a full sentence. "I'm
sorry you haven't received that information as promised
Mr Smith." (Again, it's good practise to use the person's
name).
There are other things you can say instead of sorry -
Empathise
The important thing to realise when dealing with a difficult
person is to:
Deal with their feelings - then deal with their problem.
Using empathy is an effective way to deal with a person's
feelings. Empathy isn't about agreement, only acceptance
of what the person is saying and feeling. Basically the
message is - "I understand how you feel."
Obviously this has to be a genuine response, the person
will realise if you're insincere and they'll feel patronised.
Examples of an empathy response would be - "I can understand
that you're angry," or "I see what you mean."
Again, these responses need to be genuine.
Build Rapport
Sometimes it's useful to add another phrase to the empathy
response, including yourself in the picture. - "I can
understand how you feel, I don't like it either when that
happens to me" This has the effect of getting on the
other persons side and builds rapport.
Some people get concerned when using this response, as they
believe it'll lead to "Well why don't you do something
about it then." The majority of people won't respond
this way if they realise that you are a reasonable and caring
person. If they do, then continue empathising and tell the
person what you'll do about the situation.
Under promise - over deliver
Whatever you say to resolve a situation, don't make a rod
for your own back. We are often tempted in a difficult situation
to make promises that are difficult to keep. We say things
like "I'll get this sorted this afternoon and phone
you back." It may be difficult to get it sorted "this
afternoon". Far better to say - "I'll get this
sorted by tomorrow lunchtime." Then phone them back
that afternoon or early the next morning and they'll think
you're great.
You don't win them all
Remember, everyone gets a little mad from time to time, and you
won't always be able to placate everyone, there's no magic formula.
However, the majority of people in this world are reasonable people
and if you treat them as such, then they're more likely to respond
in a positive manner.
Discover how you can generate more business without having
to cold call! Alan Fairweather is the author of "How
to get More Sales without Selling" This book is packed
with practical things that you can do to get customers to
come to you . Click here now http://www.howtogetmoresales.com
