Why You Need Better Social Skills
by Peter Murphy
Published on this site: April 8th, 2005 - See
more articles from this month...
Social skills training for both children and adults focuses on
creating individuals who are able to make and maintain friendships,
understand and express emotion, work cooperatively, and develop
assertiveness and self-worth.
In the workplace, social skills help employees embody the traits
most valued by employers: compliance, civility, and cooperativeness.
Just as no one learns to ride a bicycle without first being trained
to ride a bicycle, so too does no one truly acquire social skills
without undergoing some kind of social skills training.
While it's not always easy to define what is meant by social skills,
it's easy to identify individuals who lack them and need training:
they tend to be socially isolated, frustrated, depressed, even prone
to anger and acting out.
The goal of social skills training is to facilitate desirable behaviors
while inimizing the incidence of undesirable ones.
Through positive modeling, coaching, and role-playing, effective
programs need to:
- Teach listening skills, conversational skills, and social
participation skills. Central to all three is eye contact,
knowing when (and when not) to speak, and how to show interest
in what other people are saying.
- Describe how to ask questions and favors appropriately
of others, and how to follow directions. Help people determine
the best time to speak, how to know who to ask for help,
and how to get another person's attention in a friendly
and non-aggressive way.
- Provide direction in how to interpret body language.
People communicate volumes through their facial expressions
and by many other non-verbal cues that can be nuanced and
challenging to understand. Teach participants to observe
other people closely through role-play and through modeling.
- Teach the skill of working cooperatively. Working well
with others involves being able to listen, to identify what
needs to be done and how it should be accomplished, and
to be attuned to the needs and feelings of the people involved
in the task.
- Train people how to communicate positively and productively.
Teach them when and how to say thank you, how to give constructive
compliments, and how to give and receive positive feedback.
Accepting a compliment is not easy for some people, but
learning how to do it graciously and appropriately is a
valuable social skill.
- Instruct on the proper techniques of conflict resolution.
Accepting the consequences of behavior means knowing when
and how to apologize, understanding how actions influence
other people, and demonstrating the ability to empathize.
Social skills have been referred to by some psychologists as "life
skills". The right training is really about giving people the
skills they need to succeed in life.
Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently
produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing
Communication Confidence. This report reveals the secret strategies
all high achievers use to communicate with charm and impact.
Apply now because it is available for a limited time only
at: http://www.howtotalkwithconfidence.com/report.htm
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