How to Be Appropriately Pushy

by Suzanne Falter-Barns

Published on this site: July 31st, 2004

One of the things that's often hard to know is how and when to be pushy appropriately. In these hardscrabble times, perfectly polite people don't stand much of a chance of getting what they want. However, not enough can be said for making yourself known in a decent and unobnoxious manner. The key is to use your intuition and your brain, both at the same time, and pray for a little luck.

When Lazaro Hernandez was a fashion student at Parson's School of Design in New York, he had a chance encounter in an airport with Anna Wintour, editor in chief of Vogue Magazine. In fact, she was getting on his airplane. Lazaro wasn't so sure he had the nerve to approach, but one hour into the flight, he could stand it no longer.

Lazaro wrote a humble note on an airsick bag, which explained that he was a fashion student who would soon be looking for an internship. He noted that she probably got requests like this all the time, but wondered if perhaps someone had given her a chance at the beginning of her career. He also wrote that he knew she had the power to help him. Then, trembling, he approached.

Lazaro stood before Ms. Wintour's seated figure, and said her name. No answer. He repeated her name several times. No answer. He even crossed the uncrossable boundary and touched her arm. Still no reply. Finally, he left his plea under her martini glass and crept back to his seat. Several months later, he received a call from a major designer who'd gotten Lazaro's letter from Ms. Wintour with instructions that it was not to be ignored. A subsequent interview proved that he had talent, and Lazaro was hired for his first internship.

Lazaro not only had great luck to get on an airplane with the most powerful woman in the fashion industry, he had the savvy to make use of the opportunity. He was ready when his break came with a portfolio of samples he'd worked hard on, making it the best it could be. Then he did the most important thing of all: he sent Ms. Wintour a thank you note, which prompted a fax from the woman herself saying she was glad it all worked out.

This to me is a fine example of well-handled pushiness, in that Lazaro used the opportunity as much as he could, but then was completely respectful and gracious. It is also evidence that a letter works, especially when delivered under unique circumstances. Designer Michael Kors was a store clerk, he sold Calvin Klein a ski jacket, and stuffed his design sketches into the sleeve as the jacket was en route to delivery. A documentary film director I know who needed a quote from a famous director to help her get grants pulled a similar coup. She found out where Woody Allen lived, then had a copy of her latest film delivered to his door with a handwritten note requesting a favorable comment. He obliged.

Everyone has to start somewhere, even the rich and famous. So if you can approach politely, preferably through some other means than the front office, your efforts will probably not be seen as pushy but as what one does to get a break.

Part of the reason this works is the honesty involved. You are telling them what you need up front. So this is very different than talking up a potential contact at a cocktail party with the sole agenda of having them look at your work, or hanging out at a health club frequented by a certain star so you can add them to your list of influential friends. Those would be considered inappropriate ‘covert agenda’ moves that are really looked down upon by the rich and powerful.

Too often we assume that the way to approach an industry or a leader is from the bottom, worming your way up through the ranks. A much more effective approach is just to go straight to the top, where you very well may connect with the person who can make everything happen for you. This is why letters are such a good tool for approaching these people.

They can read it in their own time, they're not too obtrusive, and if well-written and delivered in a subtle but attention-getting way, they can work wonders.

Important people, just like the rest of us, do not like to be used. On the other hand, most people do like to be helpful, and a direct request can be amazingly effective.

Suzanne Falter-Barns is a former media insider who has published articles in Fitness, Self, More, Real Woman, Hers, Woman’s World, Cosmo Girl, The New York Times, as well as a column in New Age Journal. Her websites and books have been featured in The Christian Science Monitor, Self, Woman’s Day, Woman’s World, Time Out New York, i-Village, Cybergrrl, and more than 100 radio and television shows. She used her platform as a creativity expert to land a two book, six figure deal with the world’s largest publisher, and so is the author of How Much Joy Can You Stand? and Living Your Joy http://www.howmuchjoy.com. Suzanne has also trained more than 200 people in 27 different countries how to lead workshops with her How Much Joy Can You Stand? Facilitator’s Training, which puts anyone in touch with their own creativity. She also teaches people how to publish self help http://www.selfhelpsalon.com.
©2004 Suzanne Falter-Barns.