Why Aren't We Happy In Our Marriage Relationships?

by Dave Cole

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Published on this site: February 4th, 2004 - See more articles from this month

My perfect mate would be.....a combination of:

Paris Hilton, Oprah Winfrey, Betty Crocker, Helen Hunt, Helen Keller, Annie Oakley, Lucille Ball, Cindy Crawford, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez, Ann Landers, Angela Lansbury, Martha Stewart, June Cleaver....plus the best qualities of each of: my former girlfriends, my current wife, my grandmothers, and my mom.

Take the qualities I like in each of those women, put them all together into one, and you have my perfect soulmate.

Now a woman like that's not too hard to find is it?

What I (men in general) want from a woman would include: a good sex partner and one who is willing to have sex whenever I want, a companion to avoid loneliness, housekeeper, mother of my children, a best friend, someone to boost my ego, physical intimacy, spiritual intimacy, a good conversationalist, attractive escort, someone who will not judge or criticize me, someone who leaves me alone when I want to be left alone, someone who is fun to be around, yet quiet and humble, but also bold and adventurous.

Someone who cooks my meals, and cleans my house and changes diapers, and has a big income and is sexually attractive and alluring doing it!!!

Now, if I were to put all the qualities I want in a woman and then EXPECT this woman to be all of the above and meet all my needs all the time and in every way.....

Is there anyone reading this that fully agrees I would be hard pressed to find such a woman to start with, and does anyone agree that no woman could even half begin to have all those qualities and further to fill all those needs of mine?

Of course not!

So I have all these needs and desires and even more than above, plus my needs and wants vary from time to time and from event to event, yet for some odd reason, I expect my wife to fulfill all of my needs and even to have the ability to change and move with my every whim and changing fancy and then react and compensate accordingly.

And that doesn't even take into account her individual needs and changes and desires.

It's actually quite ludicrous of me to even think for a minute that one partner could meet all my needs and fulfill all my desires and react as I think they should and be all things to all people all the time......

And yet, isn't that one big reason why most of us are un-happy in a relationship or marriage?

We somehow expect our partner to "know" what we are thinking and feeling and then react and do the things "we think they should be doing" at each and every situation and circumstance.

And further, we would want our partner to be all things to us at all times....then when it doesn't happen we get disappointed.

It was a major shock after I got married, expecting my new wife to meet all my needs and desires, and then woke up the next morning only to find I had married a real human being with needs, opinions, and desires of her own.

Can you imagine that?

It's like my baseball team. If I expect one of my players to be able to be a catcher, pitcher, infielder, outfielder, plus be the best hitter... one player that can do anything well and do it all the time.... then I'm going to have an awfully difficult time finding such a player.

Yet, for the most of us, we expect our partner to be everything we ever wanted and to fulfill all our needs and desires and whims and not complain doing and also to do it without having to be told.

One of our biggest reasons why we are not having happy marriages is because we expect our partner to be able to fulfill and suit all our needs and do it on a continual basis and be able to change and adapt with each varying situation.

I can't be all the things my wife needs at all times, and I recognize that. It would drive me crazy even trying to be somebody like that. And neither can she be Betty Crocker and Ann Landers and Paris Hilton and all of the above personalities rolled into one.

So wouldn't it be much easier for me and better for my relationship, to accept my partner's limitations and their strong points and not go around expecting her to be everything I need all the time?

Wouldn't that make it easier and better to have a quality relationship if we didn't expect our partners to behave and be someone they're not?

Perhaps if we accepted our partners as they were, with all their flaws and imperfections and focused a little more on their strong and good points, we would all be happier in our relationships.

Dave Cole
Prosperity: The Choice Is Yours
Copyright © 2004

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