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How to Persuade Without Really Trying
by Judy Murdoch
More Self Improvement Articles
Published on this site: January 29th, 2010 - See
more articles from this month
Recently, the owner of a consulting practice contacted me. In the
email, she said that she needed an easier, more predictable way to
find ideal prospects.
She had already tried a lot of different things but nothing worked.
So we set up a meeting so I could learn more about her situation and
whether I could help.
As we spoke during the meeting, it became clear to me that, yes, I
could help this business owner. I felt quite certain of this.
But when it was my turn to tell her what I recommended things bogged
down. It was very painful because I was doing my best to communicate "Yes, I can help you," and the person looking for help kept asking, "But what exactly are you going to do?"
When I was in the middle of this I thought "Please, just tell me how
you need me to say what you need to hear so you'll understand that
I can give you what you want."
I felt like there was some magic word or phrase that if I could just
figure out what it was it would be like pressing the "Easy Button,"
and we'd come to an agreement and be done with it.
What the REAL Problem Was
Lucky me I had a wise friend with whom I could talk over this
situation. After listening for a few minutes, he said, "You know
when you start getting that frantic feeling that you're not in
control and you're grasping at what to do? That's because you've
lost connection with your heart's guidance."
This annoyed me because I was actually enjoying my grievance airing
and I was hoping to complain more about how hard some prospects are
to convince."
But complaining wasn't going to help me help this potential client.
I asked my friend to tell me a little more about what he meant. What
he told me was this:
When our focus is on looking to others to get what we're
needing although it may seem like we're focusing on the other
person, it's actually about us getting our own needs met.
Now there's nothing wrong with having needs. I'm human, you're human,
we all need encouragement, reassurance, and feedback.
The problem occurs when we look to the people who are coming to us
for help to meet those needs.
We've all been in a situation in which we felt that the person
selling was in it for themselves..it was about their need to make a
sale. Whether or not they provided what we, their prospect was
needing was almost incidental.
What DOES Work?
So, someone contacts you and they have a problem they're hoping you
can help them with. They're frustrated, perhaps feeling a little
vulnerable about their situation.
And here you are wanting to help but feeling inept because you're
not helping them. What do you do with those feelings of insecurity
and uncertainty?
My friend suggested that I bring those feelings into my heart and
listen for an answer.
While I was on the phone with a prospective client? Yep, when you're
in the middle of a conversation and you're stuck for an answer.
I realized that one reason I had become stuck was I had some
questions that I had dismissed as not being important but in fact,
these were important questions. I needed the answers to make a
recommendation.
I called the client and asked my questions and listened to her
answers and when she asked me again, how I could help, I got quiet
and listened to what my heart was telling me and when I told her I
did from a place of quiet certainty that this was what her practice
needed.
It was an entirely different call. I felt "complete" when the call
ended. That we both knew what the next step was going to be.
Keys to Persuading without Trying
First a small confession: these conversations are not about
persuading. When someone calls you about your services, they want
you to help them.
If you know you can help them, then your job is to listen with
empathy. When the other person feels completely heard and understood,
they feel safe enough to say "yes" to the next step.
- Know when you're flailing
The first step to doing anything is to be aware that you're having a
problem. It's not fun but you can't take the next step to solving a
problem unless you can acknowledge "whoa this isn't working."
- Pause
It may be enough to say, "Give me a moment here." If you need to you
can say, "Hey, something just came up, can I call you back in five
minutes."
I want to acknowledge that disengaging is probably the hardest part
because most of us have learned to "bull through" situations like
this.
But it's worth learning to pause because it's what you need to do so
you can actually help the person who has come to you.
- Listen to what your heart is telling you
When I say "heart" I mean heart. My own heart actually does speak to
me. And I personally believe that a Divine intelligence speaks
through my heart.
Some people say they "listen to their gut" or "their intuition." An
instructor of mine used to say his "big toe" was the source of his
inner wisdom.
It doesn't matter what you call what you listen to. What does matter
is that you listen to the voice that is clear, calm, and kind.
- Follow your heart's guidance
This can be hard...especially when what you hear feels irrelevant to
the problem-solving track you've been following.
In the situation I've been describing, the guidance I got was, "Ask
her what prompted her to call you in the first place." This didn't
feel like a constructive question to me. I felt our discussion was
past that point.
But my friend said, "If you believe your heart is giving you wise
guidance why would you reject that guidance?"
So when I called the prospective client back that was the question I
asked and her answer was tremendously helpful. I ended up making an
entirely different recommendation than I originally intended.
Bottom Line
It's easy to get hooked into looking to the person we're trying to
influence for the "key" to what we need to say and do.
The problem is instead of giving them a sense of ease and relief
about their problem (why they came to us to begin with), we add to
their burden making them feel (subtly) responsible for meeting our
needs.
The solution is to looking into your own heart for guidance around
the next step for moving forward in the business relationship.
When you look to your heart, you take the focus off your own needs
and return your attention to being in service to your customers.
Which is why we become business owners in the first place.
Judy Murdoch helps small business owners create low-cost,
effective marketing campaigns using word-of-mouth referrals,
guerrilla marketing activities, and selected strategic alliances.
To download a free copy of the workbook, "Where Does it Hurt?
Marketing Solutions to the problems that Drive Your Customers
Crazy!" go to http://www.judymurdoch.com/workbook.htm.
You can contact Judy at 303-475-2015 or [email protected].
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